I have recently arrived at this place in my life where I no longer give a shit what anyone thinks about me or what I’m doing (said so eloquently, hey?). I wasn’t doing the things I wanted to do or dressing how I wanted to because I was scared of what people would think or I would tell myself “you can do *insert whatever here* when you’ve lost weight” and stuff like that. I actually spent A LOT of time hinging things on my weight loss for this boost of confidence that I would get when I got back to where I used to be. Hell, became better than I used to be. But eff that. Why would I wait to be who I am and do the things I want to do because I’m overweight? That’s a copout coming from a girl who was afraid and needed something, a reason, not to just accept myself and be me. I’m done with it now and I really don’t know what happened to make me change my mind or how I was thinking about things. Also, I don’t really know who I was worried caring about what I like, look like, or what I’m doing. I doubt that anyone would spend that much time thinking about me and if they do…well I guess that’s sad for them.

“You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt

I am in a good place right now though. I am happy. I have amazing friends and am hoping to volunteer here and there and just really get back to being me. I forgot who that was and I am happy to be rediscovering myself. Embracing who I really am. It’s kind of fun too. 🙂

I could write about this and acceptance for a long time, but short and sweet is all I care to write right now.


A Retraction of Sorts

That last post wasn’t completely true. Well I guess it was at the time or I thought that it was. But it isn’t. People just get hurt when you lie; innocent people who don’t deserve it. And you lose all credibility. That person is left feeling sad and confused and typically doesn’t understand why. It changes things, changes everything. Not only how they look at you, but how they look at the world and the people in it.

I guess I am changing too. I can accept that people don’t accept themselves or want to escape reality. I can understand the desire to lie and create something that isn’t real because it makes you feel better or comforts you in some way. But I don’t know how anyone can actually do it and claim to care for someone, care for themselves even. If you want to lie, write a book and have the life you wish you had, but don’t include others in your fantasy life and expect them not to be hurt when it comes crashing down because you never know if they were holding out hope on the things you knew to be false.

My next post will be more upbeat, less confused. I just needed to retract a portion of my last post after really thinking about things. Sometimes I wish I could crawl out of my head for a while.