30th Update & Other Talk

Today is my birthday and I have officially turned the clock over to 30 years old. At midnight this morning, my boyfriend and I were in bed laughing and being the dorks that we are. A joke was made that my “walker is in the closet” and I may have threatened him that he will be permanently in a wheelchair if he keeps making jokes like that. It was the perfect way to start this day. I didn’t feel old or unloved, I didn’t feel like my life was over, and I was and am happy. Being 30 and not married and having babies does not in any way make me less successful in life. I have a beautiful daughter who loves me, a man who loves me, and family and friends that I adore. There is nothing more important than that – not this year and not any other year. Oh yeah, and IIIIII am starting to love me. (I say “starting” because it’s a process that will take a while to get the hang of and I’m okay with that)

Since I’ve decided to love myself and accept myself as I am (while still trying to BE healthier but not giving a flying fuck about the number on the scale or the tags of my clothing)… I started looking around for clothes that fit me. Because, SHOCKINGLY, I’m wearing clothes that are too small for me in the hopes that I can fake being a size medium or large and it will randomly just be true. Do other people do that? I bet they do. It’s a psychological thing. But when I do that, I’m even more uncomfortable because my stuff doesn’t fit. It’s a vicious circle, it really is.

Do you know how little options there are in North America for nice AND affordable plus size clothing?? In the UK there is SO MUCH nice stuff that won’t break the bank, but out here in Canada the nice stuff is pretty pricey. Alas, I am searching online and will be heading to the dreaded mall this weekend and will hopefully find a few things that I can show and review here. Warning: I have NO idea how to take a proper full body picture with the right lighting. I can do part of my head and that’s about it. Seriously. It’s ridiculous.

There is no other way to evoke change from within without accepting yourself as you are first. I used to think that being skinny was the only way that I would be happy, but I’m looking at these curvy bombshells that rock a pinup dress and realized that skinny isn’t what I want. I just want to be healthy and take care of my body. I have put so much emphasis on weight and measurements that I haven’t fully lived. My life has, in a lot of ways, revolved around my weight and my unhappiness/loathing/disgust for myself. I am not a victim to my own bullshit anymore.

This would be the perfect time for me to have a full body picture of myself to be like, “BAM! This is me in all my curvy glory!” but I don’t so we will just pretend that I do and all hoorah at the strength it takes to own your shit. (I was really trying to find a more eloquent way to say that but I couldn’t… Sorry!)

Cheers to being 30 and loving life 🙂


Body Image and 30th Birthday

I’ve been reading a lot of blogs lately that are by my curvy sisters and seeing their love for themselves is BEYOND inspiring! It has really given me a boost in my own confidence and empowerment and I love it. My favourite lately is: http://www.fullerfigurefullerbust.com

She is drop dead gorgeous and I love reading her posts and seeing her incredible pictures. She is truly an inspiration.

Next week I leave my 20’s behind and enter my 30’s. It’s scary. I honestly never thought that I would make it to 30. I don’t know why – 30 just seemed SO far away. I always told myself that by the time I was 30, I would:

  • have my shit together
  • be married
  • be physically fit
  • eat properly
  • love myself
  • own a house
  • have a career that I love, and
  • have a couple of kids running around.

I have a beautiful little girl that I am so proud of, I’m in a relationship with a man that I truly love and will always fight with and for (lol), and that’s about it.

It’s caused me a lot of inner turmoil the past month or so as the date looms closer and closer. But I am trying to look at it as a turning point for me. Not to be super skinny (that probably will not happen, and that’s okay), not to get married right away and have more children, not to even buy a house… But to love and look out for myself.

I don’t know how often I will blog and I am not going to make promises that I will. I am not going to promise myself anything other than to love myself. That’s it. The turning point in my life has to be love. That’s it.

(If anyone reads this…) How did you handle turning 30? Are any of you (like me) coming up to it and how are you doing with it?

The rational part of me knows that 30 is a number. It’s no different from 28 or 29, or 31, etc. But the irrational part of me remembers thinking “OH MY GOD THAT IS SOOOOO OLD!!!” and now I’m there and I still feel like I did when I was 18. I’m still unsure of things that I thought would all make sense by now. It’s like I thought that 30 was the magic number where everything would “click” and I’m struggling with that not being the case.

HOWEVER, I turn 30 in 5 days… SO maybe it will all click 5 days from now… hahaha, just kidding 😛